All You Need Is Love

weird

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 01:08:02 GMT

Reading back through my old entries kind of gives me a taste of what life used to be like for me in high school. It's weird.

Judging from my entries, apparently I used to slog through the school week and just lived for the weekends. Saturdays were spent at the shelter and Sundays were spent probably wasting time/doing HW. With lots of stressing about college in between.

It's odd to look back on it now, even though it really hasn't been that long since then. Things really have changed, though, now that I'm in college. I sense that my life is going to be in flux for a long time, especially since I only have three semesters to go.

I am loving summer, but it's a little stagnant right now. That, by the way, is absolutely my fault. I need to be working on my paper for the ECF but I just haven't been able to make myself do it. Why, I don't know. All I do is work at the vet clinic and Bark Tutor and just waste the rest of my time. Don't get me wrong, by waste I actually mean relax and do fun stuff... but stuff that ISN'T working on my paper, my main responsibility this summer.

I think a good goal would be to have my paper done (or at least some form of rough draft done) by August. That way I'd only have to revise in August and I could spend the rest of my time ~~freaking out about~~ planning for my transition back to school. I'm kind of looking forward to it. New apartment, new classes, change of scene. I'll miss all the darn animals I meet every day, though, not to mention my own furries. Better get my fix while I can.

:(

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 00:54:42 GMT

http://www.tampabay.com/news/environment/wildlife/article637766.ece

me n my mutt

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 19:36:15 GMT

Working at Bark Tutor (school for dogs) this past month has made me realize something very important:

I want... no, NEED... a dog.

Particularly, this dog:

His name is Parker, and he's a young Cairn terrier--and just about the most perfect animal I have ever met. Yes, he gets excited and barks; he doesn't always play nicely with other dogs; he isn't exactly potty-trained yet... but I <3 him. I think he was bred by someone who breeds the terriers for show purposes, but little Parker was born without a left front paw so of course he isn't show quality anymore. Now he's being fostered by an awesome lady from Therapets to be a therapy dog. She is paying for his training and that's how I got to meet him.

The sad part of this tale is that I'm not adopting him. For one thing, I'm pretty sure his foster mom is going to keep him (who wouldn't?), and there are just waaaaay too many hurdles for me to get a dog right now. Let's list them:

1. My lifestyle is not stable. I don't have my own house/apartment and I have to go back and forth between MI and IN.
2. I live at school for 9 months of the year--in university housing, where pets are not allowed. Yes, he's small and I could probably sneak him in without a problem. But it's still illegal.
3. I live with a roommate. I'd have to discuss it with her...
4. I don't know what I am doing next summer. I might go to Africa; I might get another internship; I might do both. Could Parker come with me? Doubtful. Could I find a long-term sitter for him?
5. When I'm at class/work all day, would Parker be bored and get into trouble? Would I have to crate him? Would morning/evening playtime and walks be enough?
6. Am I ready for the responsibility of a dog while I still have the responsibilities of school? The most I've cared for at college is myself and some plants. A dog would change everything.
7. I've never had my own dog before and adding one to my life now when everything is so in flux is probably a bad decision.
8. Money. Another expense. (Worth it, but still...)
9. If I were to get a dog, it shouldn't be this one. Parker is so damn cute that he would find a home no matter what.

Sigh. So no Parker (or other dog) for me. But when I CAN get a dog, I want to be ready. In three semesters, I'll be done with college and hopefully I'll get my own place... and be ready for a mutt. My current plan of action is to just visit shelters and pick out a pitbull--the ones I've met are sooo sweet and the shelters here are packed full of them.

But--even with my extensive animal experience (worked at Humane Society, vet clinic, and now dog training school since I was 12), I've still never actually owned a dog and I know having one at home is always different. So how can I prepare myself more than I already have for a dog? Should I research breeds or just pick the shelter dog that speaks to me? Should I foster before I adopt? Is there any reason to think I should not get a pitbull, or any reasons to seriously consider a different breed?

Despite my falling in love with Parker, who will only be 15 pounds when he's an adult, I really envisioned myself with a fairly large dog who I can take for long walks and who would sleep in my bed and not be a complete terror--I can deal with animal issues, but since I have no in-home dog experience I don't know that I could handle serious behavioral issues. Any cats/bunnies/rats in my future are welcome to be problem animals, but I need at least some dog owning experience first before I dive into dealing with problem dogs.

If any dog people read this, do you have any advice for me? Any good place to start considering/researching for when I AM finally ready to get my own dog? (I am only willing to adopt a dog from a rescue/shelter--I wouldn't consider breeders, ever).

Return of the Jedi?

Tue, 27 May 2008 02:55:35 GMT

I'm not sure if posting again is a wise choice, as I should always be dedicating myself to more productive ventures. I'm not exactly sure what the point of this is... but hell, I felt LiveJournal's pull, so here I am once more. I guess it's been a year since I last posted? And even more than that, since the last post was only a to-do list...

I don't know that anyone reads this, but just in case... I am now a junior in college, majoring in zoology with a concentration in ecology, evolution, and organismal biology. I love my major and discovered that I love science, too. Discovering that I even have the ability to do science and to be a scientist has been an incredible experience. At school I work in a research lab studying the speciation of the Mimulus genus by looking at reproductive isolation factors. When I am at school I am consumed by my classes, my job, and the student organizations I help lead. It's a crazily busy life that seems to suit me well. I haven't cracked under the pressure yet.

Now it's the summer, and I'm living at home. Living at home is much more difficult than anything I have to deal with at school. I think once a person has become independent and has lived on her own, it's not really possible to go back to living with a parent. I have created my own way of life and I like it--and it's not really something I can maintain while living at home. In this city I have a job as a kennel assistant at an upscale vet clinic, which I enjoy a lot. It pays well and working with animals, while sometimes heartwrenching, never seemed like "work" to me.

For internship credit this summer, I'm doing research and will end up writing a paper for the Eastern Cougar Foundation on the real vs. perceived threat of cougars to humans and livestock. It should be a very interesting project. I've obtained my resources but I'm still a little nervous about the whole thing. I really want to do a good job... yet I'm still procrastinating. May is almost over. Where does the time go? I should lock myself in the library and throw away the key.

Something I've been thinking about a lot is independence. I feel like I'm on the cusp of living my own life and being an adult, but I haven't quite made it yet. I think about what life will be like after college all the time. My plan is to avoid grad school if possible--contrary to popular belief, I don't enjoy school and would much rather work. Can one become a conservation biologist with only a B.S.? I guess I'll find out. I read job listings for field work weekly and try to imagine whether I'll be ready for such positions after only three short semesters more. I'm not one hundred percent opposed to grad school... I figure I can always go back if necessary. The GRE does frighten me, though. And to think, not so many entries ago I was worried about those damn SAT scores.

I hope I can find a job that will take me where I want to go. I want to move out somewhere with all my boxes that I've packed up here and buy/rent whatever tiny house/apartment/condo I can afford and make it my own. Once I have my job and house settled I want to get a dog, the first dog I'll ever have owned, and of course a couple of cats. I think I am more than capable of building a fulfilling life for myself, but at my age I'm in this state of limbo in which there's so much uncertainty. I think about the future all the time... where I'm going to end up, how it will all end up playing out. I guess I'm not really limited in any way, except possibly by funds, but I am frugal and I don't have very expensive dreams, so I think I could end up doing whatever I wanted to do. The eave of possibility is a very exciting place to be. I'm impatient yet I don't want the time to pass me by. Sometimes I confuse myself. :)

I need to get up at 6:00 AM tomorrow to go to work, so that's all for now. Let's see how long I can keep up the updating.

Entry for me

Fri, 18 May 2007 04:08:58 GMT

Because if I write this list on a real piece of paper, I'll probably lose it.

1. Cronica de una Muerte Anunciada and other books

2. Review courses for this year and next year (special IAH section instead of Biology of Mammals?)

3. Internships (this is the most important one of all)

4. Stay on top of books for coming semester--selling & buying

5. Contact Sue Rose about lab position

Add to this list as things are remembered...

And, because this is really neat:

("`-''-/").___..--''"`-._
`6_ 6 ) `-. ( ).`-.__.`)
(_Y_.)' ._ ) `._ `. ``-..-'
_..`--'_..-_/ /--'_.' ,'
(((' (((-((('' ((((

Doughie!

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 23:55:38 GMT

I suddenly got a huuuuuuuuuuuge wave of animal-missing.

I miss my ratty and my birdy and most of all, my kitties!

I really miss volunteering/working at HSI... especially during the holidays because that was when so many people came to the shelter to adopt. I miss my shelter bunnies and I wonder how they are all doing. I wonder if they're being adopted; I wonder if they're there at all still!

I miss doing things for HRS. I miss having those bunnies in my life.

I really wish I could get involved with the animal shelter here, but I don't know how that would be possible without a car... and I really need a job that pays... darn tuition.

What would I give to have Doughie in my dorm? If I ever move into an apartment, the first thing I'll do is steal Doughie, Cowie, and Phoenix and we shall all move in together and it will be perfect.

Dwelling on dreams is fun.

I've always got you and you've always got me.

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 01:03:42 GMT

So I am going a little bit crazy here calculating what I must do to earn a 4.0 in all of my classes.

I don't think it will be possible for chemistry, but I DID get an 80(!!!) on my last exam, so I might be able to 3.5 the class... we are going to think and wish and hope and pray.

I reeeeeaaaaally must get a 4.0 in all of my other classes, though... calculus, chem lab, and Social Differentiation & Inequality. I think that this is quite possible... I just really need to stay on top of things.

Thinking about grades makes me crazy! I want the semester to end NOW so I can just know what my grade is! Well, I don't want the time to pass...

I'm also going crazy trying to switch my schedule around... damn WebEnroll needs to die. Eventually things will work... right?

I still don't have a job. I'm thinking about being a Resident Mentor/TA next year.

I'm sooooooo excited for Thanksgiving!

Things to think about...

Fantasies come true

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 03:14:43 GMT

Sooooooooooo

On my first lab report, I got a 3.4.
On my second lab report, I got a 3.7.
On my third lab report, I got...

A 4.0!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I'm going to commit suicide now because this is probably the high point of my life, and it's all going downhill from here.

And... I got a 10/10 on my lab quiz and a 19/20 on my lab notebook!

So is it really possible to get an A in chem lab and an F in chem class?

I guess so, because here I am.

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 03:59:32 GMT

I was wasting time before going to bed reading posts from the community about lists of things people want to do with their lives before they die, and that got me thinking about things people have already accomplished... and I realize that even though I am really young, I have been fortunate enough to do so many amazing things that would definitely be on my list of things to do if I hadn't already done them! Even though I always try to be grateful, sometimes I forget that I am soooooooooo lucky.

I have...

1. traveled to Ghana
2. traveled to Mexico
3. learned a foreign language
4. been valedictorian of my high school
5. learned how to horseback ride
6. owned and fostered a great variety of animals!
7. volunteered/worked for an animal shelter and truly learned the meaning of homeless and unwanted
8. been accepted and am studying at my first choice university
9. volunteered at the zoo and been in close proximity with wild animals
10. been to not one but TWO Star Wars conventions!! (and met George Lucas!!!)
11. made certain friends whom I love and know I will keep for life

There is so much more I want to do, but I am so lucky to have already had the opportunities to accomplish what I have.

Now it's beeeeedtime...

Being tired/avoiding work

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 18:16:10 GMT

SINCE YOU ARE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 28 things about you. I don't care if we've never talked, never liked each other, or if we already know everything about each other. I really don't. You are obviously on my list, so let me know with whom I am friends!

(C'mon, waste a little time so that I will have something to read and in turn I will waste time...)

Your Middle Name:
Age:
Single or Taken:
Favorite Movies:
Favorite Songs:
Favorite Bands/Artists:
Dirty or Clean:
Tattoos and/or Piercings:
Do we know each other outside of LJ?
What's your philosophy on life?
Would you have my back in a fight?
Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
What is your favorite memory of us?
Would you give me a kidney?
Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
Can we get together and make a cake?
Have you heard any rumors of me lately?
Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?
Do you think I'm a good person?
Would you drive across country with me?
Do you think I'm attractive?
If you could change anything about me, would you?
What do you wear to sleep?
Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
Would you go on a date with me if I asked you?
If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

You make me live

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 03:16:05 GMT

I may have failed my chem exam, but I got a 3.4 on my lab report... highest grade was a 3.8... so booyah. I am so pleased.

My new favorite song is "You're My Best Friend" by Queen.

Sat, 09 Sep 2006 15:52:57 GMT

Sooo... I need a job. I really need a job. They rejected me at the Wharton Center, so I dropped off an application and resume at the Veterinary Medical Center here on campus... but it sounds like they aren't really hiring. Now... I'd like to have a job that involves animals... maybe I'm asking too much and I should just apply for the job at the campus convenience store, but I'd like to work somewhere that actually has something to do with my career interests.

Apparently, there's an animal shelter somewhere around campus... I hope it's not too far because I'd have to walk (or find a bus route? but who wants to pay for the bus?). It's called the Capital Area Humane Society... I wonder what the likelihood of my getting a job there would be. I wonder if the employee turnover rate is as high as HSI's. And I wonder if they have smams.

Or maybe I should just forget about it and work at the damn library. The one thing I refuse to do is cafeteria work... I am happy to clean up shit all day, but I do not want to touch other people's food remains. Am I a sissy? Perhaps.

Oh yes... if you call me, please let the phone ring as long as possible, then leave a voicemail... people seem to call when I'm in bed, which is a giant loft close to the ceiling. I try to get down as fast as possible without breaking something, but I can't always make it. If you leave a voicemail I'll call you right back!

I have chemistry problems to do this weekend... nooooooooooooooo

Pay it no mind...

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 03:18:43 GMT

Just some weird dreams.

"To dream of the apocalypse signifies an emotional and dramatic change taken place within. The dream may also indicate the end of one kind of lifestyle and the beginning of another."

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 14:40:13 GMT

Steve Irwin died??????

The only thing I'd be able to say is, "I miss you--a lot."

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 01:54:49 GMT

So I've been here at MSU for a week officially. Classes have started and everything's pretty good so far...

My calc professor really seems to know what she's doing. She said she would teach the class as though none of us had seen any calc before, even though a lot of us took it last year. I appreciate her teaching method a lot, though, since my calculus background is really poor...

My chemistry professor is from Jamaica, so she has an awesome accent. The class seems like it will be challenging, however, since, of course, my chem background is also very poor (my chem teacher in high school wasn't licensed to teach!!). I'm hoping I'll understand things a bit better with time.

For my Social Differentiation & Inequality class, we have to read assigned articles from the New York Times... so the professor got us each a free subscription! How cool is that? He said that having the paper copy (as opposed to online articles) will encourage us to read more. I wholeheartedly agree. I love having the Times in my cute little dorm mailbox every morning.

In other news... I've officially gone vegetarian. It's pretty easy because there are so many veggie options in the dining halls... for every meat item they have a veggie substitute. Don't you worry, I am eating plenty of beans for protein. I don't think I'll be losing any weight or anything, though, because there is a lot of delicious (unhealthy) food here at my disposal.

I took a loooooooooooooooong walk across MSU's huge campus this evening by myself... it was cool outside and really nice. I hadn't been outside at all because both my calc and chem classes are in my residence hall.

Oh yeah, dorm pics are on Facebook if you're interested...

Missing everybody I love,
Joooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooolia

"She's the queen of denial. She would deny that."

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 03:09:27 GMT

Quick update!

I am not dead. I live in East Lansing now. My dorm is all set up and it is sah-weet. Roomie is extremely nice and considerate. I have been busy these past few days--it's hard to believe that MSU is permanent for me and that I'm not going back to Indy soon! Classes start Monday and I am excited/scared. I had a job interview today and I'll find out next week if I get it. I found out that if I get into the Honors College, I get to pay IN-STATE TUITION. I think I'll put dorm pics on Facebook sometime if anyone is interested. I need to buy $8 million worth of books. Ummm... is that it?

Oh yeah, I am happy!!

Heaven must be missing an angel

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 03:41:12 GMT

So I'm stuffing all my crap into bags and boxes when suddenly it hits me...

I AM MOVING THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW.

This is quite a bit crazier than I thought it would be! I, me, leaving Indy??

I thought I was ready for this but it has only now hit me...

I AM MOVING

Oh... edited to add one of my favorite pictures from Ghana. Eves and I doing the laundry with a cute Ghanaian youngin'...

"I guess this is proverbially 'it'."

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 02:35:27 GMT

Said goodbye to Eva tonight. No tears. That makes me very proud of myself.

Actually, I feel pretty good.

This is such a played-out and unoriginal thought, but I truly wish words could do feelings justice. They can't. They aren't the right words, or they come out awkwardly, or they don't have the right effect. Most of the time, I think some things are better left unarticulated, but at the same time, I feel that certain things MUST be said... just to reassure whatever it is one feels.

But anyway, words for Eva fail me.

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 17:45:12 GMT

SONETO XVII

No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.

Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,

sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.

--Pablo Neruda, 1959

This is the true story...

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 03:36:15 GMT

...of two strangers picked to live in a tiny dorm, work together, and have their lives changed to find out what happens when people stop attending high school and start attending real school--the Real World: East Lansing!!

Haha, my life is now a reality show. But only for the loyal subscribers of this journal. Pretty exciting, huh?

Okay, so roomie's from Colorado. I established that. She's from Littleton, CO, to be exact, which is a suburb of Denver... (!!!). Her name is Stephanie and I talked to her on the phone a while back... I get such a good vibe from her. She seems like a very cool gal--I really think I lucked out on this one. Not only is she open, kind, and excited about attending MSU, she also doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, and "likes to sleep but can be loud when hyper." Hmmm, sounds exactly like someone I know... oh yeah, me! She's a molecular bio major and we're taking the same chemistry class... study buddy, anyone? She says she has taken Spanish but isn't very good at it... but that's okay because I love to learn/teach espanol!

Anyway... I iz excited to meet this gal. And when will I be meeting her? Wednesday, August 23--the day I leave Indy for MI. I'm working on getting all my shit together now... it's hard to gather all of one's necessities into boxes and bags. I guess I've never really moved before.

The bruddas are back from Italy and are coming here tomorrow!! I can't wait to see them.

Eva leaves on Sunday. I'm really not looking forward to saying goodbye to her.

I'm trying not to be overly emotional about this whole college thing, and really it doesn't concern me too much... but I was talking to my friend Weednair the other day (she already left for Purdue), and she kept saying that from this point on, everything will be different--our lives will permanently change. Which, any way you slice it, is true. It's a rather difficult thing to grasp, and maybe it's something I'd rather not grasp for now.

Though I'm not excited that I'll be seeing my best friends and family something like once a year from now on, I am excited to be on the cusp of something new. As they say, don't fight change--embrace it.

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 15:20:34 GMT

MY

ROOMIE

IS

FROM

COLORADO!!!

Lately I have desperately pondered, spent my nights awake and I wonder...

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 20:11:41 GMT

The craziness! The craziness!

I went over to Weednair's house yesterday for a little get-together of friends because she leaves for college on SUNDAY if you can believe it. So I definitely had fun and made plans to see her again later this week... since it will be a looong time before the next visit! I left her house and got home at around 2 AM...

Little background... my mama is crazy stressed out about everything. I always tell her to try to calm down and chill out but of course that does no good. Anyway, she's worried because two of my bros flew to Italy yesterday, she was going to fly to NY to visit her family the next day (which is today), and, to top it all off, her faaaaaaaaavorite cat in the whole world, Piotr, seemed under the weather. She also hates traveling.

I thought Petey wasn't in such bad shape because he throws up pretty often anyway, like so many cats do. But this time he was lethargic, either had diarrhea or strained to go to the bathroom, and he threw up just saliva continuously. I had planned to take him to the vet the next morning (today), but when I got home from Weednair's at 2 AM he just seemed to be in really bad shape. So one phone call and one unhappy cat stuffed into a carrier later, we were off to the emergency vet's office.

From the symptoms I described, the vet tech thought it might be a blockage in the urethra or a bladder stone. The vet felt his bladder, though, and couldn't feel anything, and then, Pete peed on his towel! Which was wonderful news, of course. I still got the bloodwork and x-rays done, though... but those too showed nothing out of the ordinary. So the vet just injected him with some antibiotics and fluids to keep him hydrated, and by 4 AM, we were home.

BTW, Petey was so great and cooperative that the vet tech wanted to steal him. If he weren't my kitty, I'd want to steal him, too.

I was in bed by 5 but I got up again at 8 to say goodbye to my mama. She was really relieved that I had taken him to the vet and I think it made it easier for her to go. Pete seems fine today and is on meds, so we'll hope for the best!

Peace of mind is way expensive but totally worth it.

My mama and Danny are in NY and Jam and Jeff are in Italia. Where am I? Indianapolis! Who am I with? The cats, the bird, the rat, and the foster bun! Life is sweet.

Are you married?

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 04:59:30 GMT

...is what yet another unidentified dude asked me when he approached me as I was watering the plants at Martha's. Usually, my quick, smart response is, yes, I am 24 and quite happily married. Then they ask why I got married so young. This time, though, I wasn't thinking and I said no, which led to a string of questions such as, "Do you like dancing? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you want to work with me?"

I think I'll date the first dude who comes along whose pick-up line is not about my marital status.

Aaaaaaaaaaaanyhoo. Enough with that nonsense... I was house-sitting for Martha this past week which was nice. Eva stayed with me one night--she knows about the smammy part of my life and now she's seen the hammy part of my life. Which, pretty soon, will longer be a current part of my life.

Speaking of that, the countdown to MSU is T-minus 17 days. Pretty freaky, huh. I still don't know who roomie(s) is(are). I guess I'll find out soon enough!

Duuuuuuuuuude, so the poor Broad Ripple people have to go back on the 17th. It makes me cringe just thinking about it... and their registration is this week!! I am so glad to be done with BRHS. So, so thankful.

Fun shtuff... Jeff and I saw the new Woody Allen movie, Scoop. Very funny!! That dude is a genius. DANNY and Candy (Candice, his girlfriend) are coming to stay a night with us tomorrow and I am so excited to see him. My brudda! I haven't seen my brudda since graduation. Jam is coming, too... about a week from now. My bruddas! My bruddas!

This house is not clean, and since we'll be having guests, I better go clean it.

When will I pack for college?

Why not update LJ at 3 AM?

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 07:52:16 GMT

Right... why not? I'd better do it now, otherwise it may never happen.

So what's been going on?

I went to Michigan State for orientation... that was a ball... really it wasn't too bad. I got a little taste of college life and I managed to win a two-week membership to a local gym and a massage while I was there. So maybe sometime this year I'll get my work-out on for two weeks and feel fit. I have been running every day... in fact, sometimes I get so tense and wired that I practically explode out to the sidewalk, attempting to maintain a normal pace... I get fatigued quickly, though. It kind of sucks... I'm trying to get rid of all this tension by exercising but I can only do so much. One of these days I'm going to be a powerhouse. Maybe I'll make it a college goal.

Oh, yeah, so the important stuff... classes. I'll be taking calc, chem, chem lab, and "social differentiation and inequality." Tough shtuff, but it's really only three courses so hopefully it shouldn't be too bad. I really have no idea what to expect, as none of the bros were science majors. Classes start August 23... while it will be a dream to not have to return to high school, I'm not looking forward to the end of summer. I really have been having the time of my life over here.

I came home after orientation and had a day dedicated to bunnies and hammies... I had to take an extra Petco shift for Dawn and then do the Hambulance. I talked to Dawn for nearly an hour on the phone a few days earlier about our bunny problem at HSI. She, Amy, and I have all been having our emotional breakdowns over this, but of course Amy and Dawn are resilient and are doing their best to solve the problem... all on their own. I think if we could just get a million more bunny people just like them, maybe there wouldn't be so many homeless bunnies to worry about. I'm trying not to go crazy over this because in a month I will be gone and there will be nothing I can do to help anyway. I still have my foster baby, Olivia... she is darn cute if anyone wants her.

So! Let's get to the fun stuff. Yesterday, I made my first highway viaje all on my own to Champaign... big step for me. It was incredibly easy and I'm kind of peeved at myself for not being more courageous earlier... I probably could have seen Bertie and Julesy so much more during the past couple of years if I had just convinced myself that driving two hours wasn't such a big deal. But there's no point worrying about it now, so I'm not going to anymore.

Anyhoo! I did it this time, so I got to celebrate with Julesy and Bertie for Jules's graduation and see them once more before they move out west. I am soooo happy that I was able to go... to see their place, to give kisses to the kiddos, to meet their family and friends (including Jules's sister Rachel and baby Lil). I had a wonderful time.

(Princess Moon is burrowing her little grey head into the couch on which I'm sitting... pretty darn cute.)

I hate to say this but... sometimes you think you are over stuff. Then you realize, damn, you're not over it at all, you just covered it up and forgot about it. Then something happens to uncover it and bam! the same feeling you thought was gone forever hits you again. (Do I sound like an angsty teen or what??)

Saying goodbye is one of those things for me. I thought it would get easier... but fuck, it does not get easier at all. It feels nearly as bad as it did the first time. I think it is one of the things in life I hate most.

It all makes sense in theory... missing people is a part of life, it sucks, you deal with it. Everyone misses or has missed someone--it's something universal that everyone has to suck up and get through. I know all this in my head... yet somehow it never quite hits home in real life.

I think the worst part of saying goodbye to people is not knowing when you will see them again. If I know when I'll see someone again, it's a lot easier for me to swallow... I'm reassured. Like with my bros. It might be months before I see them again, but I know it will happen... if only because of coming home for holidays. Then, on the flip side, you have people like Kwame. He lives in Ghana, for god's sake. Who the hell knows when I'll see him again?

I just had to bid Bertie and Julesy goodbye, which I did not handle as well as I'd hoped, and in a month, I'll have to say goodbye to Eva, too. Right now, I feel great because I can always say to her, "I'll see you tomorrow." It's something I can always count on... and if I don't see her we talk on the phone or online. I always know what's going on. I've found that that is impossible with long distance relationships... you never know what's going on in the day-to-day of the person. And fuck, once I get attached, I get ATTACHED. I hate that my closest friends will have to be long distance ones.

And because of all that nonsense I think I've figured out the point of spouses, mates, partners, whatever the hell you want to call it. I think it is (in an ideal relationship, of course) the one person to whom you can become attached and not worry about them leaving--the one person you can depend on to always stick with you. As I said, that's just the ideal relationship... but I'm hoping I could achieve something like that one day.

But for now, I will work on keeping in touch with everyone I love who lives in a galaxy far, far away.

BTW, despite this rather melancholy entry, I truly am in a good mood and quite happy these days. It's summer, after all! What reason do I have to feel any other way?

Okay, it's now 4:00 in the morning... beeeeeeeeeeeeeedtime

Tue, 11 Jul 2006 00:16:54 GMT

I was deleting spam from my e-mail, and I got one that had the subject, "Increase Cum Volume by 500%."

I read it to Jeff, who is next to me, and he said, "500%? That's a lot of cum!"

Maybe it was the way he said it, but looooooooooooooord how hilarious.